[ greyweed ] -- and the bored shall inherit the earth...

Hours before Noche Buena I decided to do a movie marathon. I didn’t really have a theme for the film selection; it just so happen that they were all decked in the forgotten section of our CD rack. So I’ve listed them and some things that I have noticed in the films.


The Matrix: Revolutions
- In that scene at the train station, Neo had small talk with the child program Satti. He then had an interesting talk with Satti’s father Ramakandra and mother Kamala. It was SO obvious that Keanu Reeves cannot have a simple conversation without striking a pa-cute look. It’s annoying. Even more embarrassing on his part is that the actors who played the Indian program family were better actors than him.
- Carrie Anne Moss looks ancient here, as if it was ten years when she made the last Matrix. She seems to think that to act tough means to look and act wooden. This is clear because you can easily compare her acting inside the Matrix from her acting while in Zion. You can even see her temples and cheekbones restrain a growing urge to show off her acting. And in the scene at the bar with the Marvingian, even her lower jaw joins in. Trinity may be the leading lady in this film, but you gotta admit that Neo looks prettier than she does. Not pretty as in pretty boy, pretty as in feminine pretty.
- My favorite Matrix characters would have to be Seraph simply because he kicks ass and he looks more exciting in doing so than the main characters. Even if his eyes are covered by those infernal glasses, you still see and feel the intensity and the rage that feeds his every kick and punch. Neo looks stiff every time he attempts a front or roundhouse kick and in severe pain while he’s at it. Trinity seems to always try to show her best angle possible when executing a move and it’s so obvious that she’s avoiding the camera. And thank goodness I don’t have to see Morpheus in action, because I always feel so sorry for his bulge (yes, it looks like he fattened up just in time for this film).

SERAPH ROCKS!

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
- Sam sure looks like he’s in love with Frodo. And vice versa. In The Two Towers, this was just a joke because of the way they looked at each other, made even worse by a very romantic looking sunset behind them. This movie confirms our suspicion. Ah-ha!
- The archer and Aragorn’s brother, Faragorn is played by the same actor who plays Van Helsing’s trashy, monk sidekick.
- Andy Serkis (Gollum/Smeagol) will probably haunt my dreams for years to come. He is creepy in both personas. "My precious."


Edward Scissorhands
- Tim Burton must have had a very disturbed childhood.
- My sister might kill me for saying this, but Johnny Depp looks like Robert Smith. Winona Ryder looks like a male vocalist of an 80s hair band. And the neighborhood looks like Teletubby Land with major renovations; the houses are too damn colorful, which could be an attempt to make Edward looked very out of place.


The Sixth Sense
- Bruce Willis is a balding child psychologist. Donny Wahlberg plays a small role as the patient he failed to help. He’s only onscreen for about three minutes (although his character is a very substantial to the plot) that you won’t even recognize him. I was shocked to find his name in the closing credits. Here, Haley Joel Osment is in the middle of his transition from being the adorable kid in Forrest Gump to the creepiest child robot in AI.
- M. Night Shyamalan seems to direct films where he can also appear in, the same way Stan Lee produces Marvel movies to do cameos in. In Unbreakable, he seen choosing wedding rings for his fiancée at the jewelry/antique shop. In The Village, he is the head of the park rangers. Here he is Cole’s (Osment) pediatrician. His roles seem to get bigger and bigger…uh-oh…maybe he’s starring in his next film.


The Royal Tenenbaums
- All-star cast. Royal Tenenbaum (Gene Hackman) is an asshole who desperately wants to bring his family together after his unofficial divorce from his wife Etheline (Anjelica Houston) – who is having an affair with Danny Glover's character- by pretending to be terminally ill. Their son Richie (Luke Wilson), who was always Royal’s favorite child, is easily suckered in and accepts their father back. However, their other children Margot (Gwyneth Paltrow) and Chas (Ben Stiller) aren't easily convinced. So the scattered Tenenbaums decide to once again live in the same roof. Good luck.
- Margot always knew she was adopted so she looked for her parents and came back with a missing index finger. So in its place she puts in a slender piece of dark wood, which seems to give the impression of giving you The FINGER.