[ greyweed ] -- and the bored shall inherit the earth...

I got this from email, just thought I'd put it here....

MAHIRAP LAHAT
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.


WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go go La Salle.
If you have no money, go to PUP.


CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men. La Salle reported it could not come up with even a single wise man. Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with even a single virgin. San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays. UP reported that they killed the three wise men.

QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it back at the La Sallite.
Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, and another.

PASIKATAN NG GRADWEYTS
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Atenean end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyts namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario . .

HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and=A0 asks: "Sir, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle?"
"Sir, kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop,eh."

A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I will give you BOTH of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!

BARKADA SA HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went ona hunting trip. The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he coolly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer! " The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story. Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself. However, the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask. "Wel l," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."

A MURDER MYSTERY
(To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Who committed the murder?
Suspects: The Humble Atenean, The Bright La Sallite, The Well-Mannered Bedan, The Innocent Maryknoller, The Unaffected Assumptionista, The UP Graduate
The UP Graduate
Logic: No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or a Well-Mannered Bedan or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what particular schools attended the big celebration. Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess whom he found and where he found them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the bedroom with some Paulinians.
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . . .like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters

SUICIDAL SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student (so you know this story is fictional). Anyway, everyday, they met for lunch and ate their sandwiches.
UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako.
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I am sick of this already. If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I am gonna shoot myself.
La Salle: Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I am gonna drive my CRV over the cliff.
The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a belt, and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff. During their funeral, their mothers were interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want roast beef anymore, I would not have given him roast beef.
La Salle: Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.