[ greyweed ] -- and the bored shall inherit the earth...

When The Day After Tomorrow was shown in cinemas I passed up the chance to actually see it. Probably because I figured the elements the characters are up against are extremely unstoppable. What could they possibly do to even the odds? I wouldn't pay to see it but I also wouldn't say no if a copy would find its way into my home.

The film starsa bunch of look alikes. Seriously. The main characters, Jack Hall, played by Dennis Quaid (who I always thought resembled Keifer sutherland), is a scientist who is married to pediatrician Lucy (Sela Ward from the series Once & Again who looks a bit much like Chandra Romero) and is father to Sam, played by Jake Gyllenhaal (who was rumored to replace Tobey Maguire) in the last Spiderman because of their remarkable resemblance).

I'm no meteorologist and I honestly didn't completely understand what has brought on the rapid climatic shift, but quaid and cohorts'acting were almost flawless and sincere I dimly understood that the entire planet is in one gumbo-sized sh*thole. A second Ice Age is threatening to come, and what nature allowed millions of years to happen, will happen in just a matter of weeks. There are already signs around the world: India experiencing snow and the monstrous hailstorm in Tokyo.

Jack realizes this and proposes for an action in a global conference, where he meets a renowned meteorologist played by Ian Holm who looks like a cross betweed Danny de Vito and Berting Labra.

Meanwhile, Sam heads over to New York for a national "battle of the brains" type of competition, flanked by his two school buddies. Friend A looks a lot like that black alien from that long forgotten Nickelodeon series, while Friend B/love interest is a cross between Jennifer Love Hewitt and Norah Jones and the acting capacity of a five-year old girl with Down Syndrome. There they meet Sam's competitor, a younger version of Joaquin Phoenix.

But then we learn the truth, that New York is said to be the vortex of the entire tragedy; the temperature there is said to plummet to sub-sub zero any moment. Apparently, the entire Northern Hemisphere is going to be frozen solid, so a mass evacuation ensues, where the evacuees head for charred Mexico.

During this time, Jack heads for New York to rescue Sam with his two co-scientists. Scientist A is a rotting doppelganger for Treat Williams, while Scientist B looks stunningly like the vocalist from Jars of Clay.

Lucy on the other hand is in the hospital where she decides to stay to read Peter Pan to a terminally ill boy while the rest of the city evacuates. We are expected to feel her bravery and her devotion to her calling, but her acting was so damn ratty I saw brain damage instead. Either that or she was in the verge of having a seizure. I was disappointed. Clearly she doesn't translate into cinema as well as she does on TV wher she acts elegantly.

Jack finally makes it into New York in time to save Sam and a handful of survivors, including a neurotic Andy Dick look alike, a feisty girl, who I almost swore was played by Amy Davidson from Eight Simple Rules, and the old copy of Jenna Elfman as the librarian.

The entire movie felt exactly what it was, an ambitious, big-budget Roland Emmerich project. The cinematic shots, the lush environment only CGI artists could conjur up, the lame-but-forgivable jokes and the formulaic Godzilla-ish cinematography were all expected when I saw Emmerich's name in the opening credits. The only thing missing ire the ear-chattering rock soundtrack. At least Hollywood has finally fecognized the fact that rock/metal songs add texture only to chick flicks and teen slasher movies.

Formulaic as it is, the film works, as far as the technicalities are concerned. The story was ok, not brilliant and groundbraking, just ok. There already seems to be a handful of films with the same premise of love and keeping a promise in the midst of tragedy. Titanic. Armageddon. Black Hawk Down. The only thing that changes is the extremity the characters must face...aside from that all you get is eye candy.

Up next:
Comic book turned movies Elektra and Fantastic Four and the Spawn-meets-The Matrix-splashed-with-Van-Helsing flick, Constantine