The following is a small portion of the interview I had with Myra "Skarlett" Ruaro of the skapunk band Brownbeat All-star. What was supposedly a two-question interview turned out to be the most insightful conversation with a musician I've ever had. I'm printing it in its raw, unedited form. Please take time to read.


Message for younger women?

Maraming aspect ang pagiging babae. Depende yan sa edad mo, ‘yung sa mga bata pa, tulad nga nung EP namin, if you look at it, it’s very woman. ‘Yung lyrics, ako, very ako. ‘Yung song namin na Ako Ito, is about ano ba ‘yung important sa mga bata? I went through a lot of experimentations, that’s ok as long as ang goal mo e hanapin ‘yung anong gusto mo. Hindi ‘yung direktor ka lang. Kasi there’s the unconscious effort na kung lagi kang lang drift nang drift, wala kang direksyon. Kasi dun sa freedom natin, kailangang meron kang bigger picture na tinitingnan. Kasi kung wala kang direksyon ang buhay mo at wala kang plano, walang mangyayari sa ‘yo. Hindi naman pwede ‘ung lakad ka lang nang lakad. Saan ka ba pupunta? “Wala lang.” Don’t waste your time trying to drift so far, kumbaga experiment but be keen about that. I-evaluate mo, “OK ba ito? Masaya ba ito? Makakatulong ba ito? E kung gusto kong maging ganito? Tama ba ito? Itong mga taong ito kaibigan ko ba mga ito?” I think kumbaga as a parent, paano ko ipapaintindi sa anak ko, kasi I’m writing about it now and I tell it to a lot of people, pero ang ultimate test d’yan is paano ko isasabuhay? Paano ko ipapaliwanag sa anak ko bilang nanay? So I’m preparing myself to be a good mother which I am now, and I’m proud to say that. And kung paano nga ako magiging kaibigan, anak, ka-tropa – ate ko din siguro anak ko paglaki di ba? So being a woman is sa wonderful experience, merong mga sentimental times, mga emo, merong mga not thinking about yourself na akala mo unconditional love pero definitely you have to respect and love yourself first before you can share love to others. Kapag wala ka noon, hollow ka lang e. ‘Yun nga ‘yung point nung Ako Ito, aralin mo muna sarili mo mabuti. Kasi two songs within one song ang Ako Ito, the English part in the middle part is called Unbound, pagdating mo sa Unbound you’ll see na wala s’yang koneksyon sa una pero makikita mo sa huli, kasi nag-start ‘yung story dun sa “Kabataan bakit kayo nagre-rebelde? Alin ba sa experience n’yo sa buhay n’yong nagagalit kayo? Alin dun? Sinisisi n’yo magulang n’yo? Pero nagagalit ka, and you’re not trying to let the good things come to you kasi pre-occupied ka sa anger mo.” So automatic sarado kayo e, kasi gumawa nang hindi maganda sa inyo kaya automatic sarado kaagad. And then kung dumarating ‘yung good, hindi mo nakikita. ‘Yon, ganun kasi ang ugali ko noon, ganoon ako noon. Ang tagal kong nilabanan ‘yon, pero hindi dapat ganon. The only way that you are going back to knowing yourself and loving yourself, you don’t love yourself if you don’t let yourself experience the good things. And if you deny the fact na ‘yung bad things at hindi mo ina-acknowledge na may makakatulong sa ‘yo. Akala mo lang ino-opress ka lagi, hindi mo nari-realize na ang pagmamahal mo ay magiging hedonist, which is hindi dapat. Loving yourself, to love others is different from “I love myself. I’ll do anything I want. Fuck all of you!” And you think you love yourself by doing that? Paano mo mamahalin ang sarili mo? Tanggalin mo mga pabigat! Man, nilalagyan mo sarili mo ng bagahe. Lumubog ka na. Tapos sasabihin mo, “Mahal ko sarili ko, ako lang ang nakakaintindi. Galit ako. Kaya ako nakaka-survive kasi I’m strong and because I’m angry.” Malakas ka pero galit, nakakatayo ka nga pero nakalaylay ka naman lagi. Bagahe ‘yun, everyday naka-simangot ka, ang pangit no’n. How would love yourself? It’s by forgiving, you have to break the chain of hate, and it has to start with you. It may take a lifetime but at least alam ng utak mo at may conscious effort ka na “Tama na mainis, tama na” tapos harap ka na uli. Ok lang magalit pero, pero h’wag mong ikimkim, palabasin mo kaagad. You better start forgiving. You better start believing, maniwala ka sa sarili mo na kaya mo mong baguhin. Kaya, kasi walang ibang unang kakausap sa ‘yo about it, ikaw din. Parang “Since gago ako ngayon, ganito aayusin ko na ito. Gusto ko nang baguhin ito.” Ganun. “Ako ito na nagbabago” Kinakanta ko din sa sarili ko ‘yan, tapos sana ‘yung ibang tao na makabasa nung lyrics kakantahin din ‘yon, kaya nga sana gusto ko kunin n’yo ‘yung lyrics tapos sabayan n’yo, unconsciously you’ll be feeding yourself “Ako ito na magbabago/Ako ito na matututo/Ako ito na binubuo ang pagkatao ko” Para s’yang mantra, everyday mo na sinasabi sa sarili mo, tapos you go around. It’s like meditation, kaya nga ang prayers, ang meditation ng kahit anong religion paulit-ulit ‘yan. It has to be repetitive, para maintindihan ng isang tao ‘yan, paulit-ulit munang kakantahin ‘yan bago pumasok sa kanya. ‘Yun ang goal namin. Na sana may bata na makarinig n’yan, kantahin habang papunta sa eskwela, tapos ‘yung mga yuppie na nagta-type or mga nasa call centers, tapos kakantahin nila, sana magkaroon ng effect sa kanila, magkaroon ng chain para hindi na masyadong galit ang mundo.

A couple of hours ago I attended HIMAYA, an event set up by NU107, over at Metrowalk. So the lineup consisted of female-fronted bands.

Purple. Cynthia Alexander. Narda. Imago. Barbie's Cradle. Brownbeat All-Star. Color It Red. The Late Isabel.

Since I went there to cover the event for a magazine, I got to approach and do an ambush interview session here and there.

I had the most insightful conversation with Myra "Skarlett" Ruaro.
I was too damn close to Barbie Almalbis, which I enjoyed.
I had a cutesy conversation with Ice from Purple, she's nice!


Wohoo!

What is hunger?

I'll tell you what is hunger.

It's when you came to a bar 10 minutes early for a scheduled interview with a primadonna musician who insists that it be done after two sets. You sit patiently -with your brain half-sleep, but you live in an entirely different region so you can't just hit the sack and your stomach grumbles madly but you swore not to spend any of your allowance because it's subject to liquidation. The sets finally finishes at 1:30 am, you've just waited two hours for a 10-minute interview. But the musician is nowhere to be found. You spot her laughing with friends over a round of drinks. You scratch your head and approach, the musician says, "Wait lang, give me 10 minutes." You head back to your seat. You know you're wasting time, but you can't just leave because that will deem you unprofessional (as if the musician's attitude wasn't). You crave for a decent conversation so you decide to head over to the bar and interview the bartender about their drinks. You ask, "So this has rum in it?" To which the bartender replies, "'Di ba i-interview-hin mo si ------? Aalis na, o." You make a run for it. The musician finally sits with you, as you take out your recorder more of the musician's friends arrive and they engage in small talk, you wait. At last they spot other friends and shoves off. Five minutes into the interview you notice that the musician does not really pay much attention, eyes trailing every now and then to the friends; and on the eighth minute you hear "Last question na 'to, a," and you're only halfway through the interview.

You leave the place unsatisfied with the interview, hunger numbing your gut and sleep preventing you focus. You finally decide to eat, but at that time no establishment is open. You decide you needed to sleep, but no public transportation, not even a cab in sight.

That's hunger, dammit.

The Emerald Knight. You possess one of the most
powerful weapons in the universe, and it is
powered by your will and imagination. You are
the Green Lantern, and no one can match your
creativity.


Which DC Super Hero Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Cool! Although I absolutely respect Hal Jordan's legacy, I'd rather be Kyle; he's young and he's a freelance graphic artist. Yeah.

Pipeline Revisited



While digging through my study table pile for white paper (to help in the Sugar Free EB paper drive) I found this artwork nestled between a yellowing copy of T3 and sheets of Darna sketches. I remember doing this a couple of months back. And since I wasn't doing anything and my brother's laptop happened to be downstairs, I decided to scan and color it.

It was a intended to be an indie graphic novel that I ambitiously planned to peddle around book stores and through friends.

I called the project Pipeline.
It was about Russel, a guy who just realized that the dream he's been chasing isn't really his own. He goes through one hell of a soul searching trip to Tagaytay and meets Bong, the suicidal guitarist of a famous band in the verge of breaking up, and Vera, a disgruntled news reporter who desperately wants to prove to the world her worth.

The story revolves around the Tagaytay countryside, an underground bar called The Fete (because I conceptualized the story during Fete de la Musique 2003) and in Russel's own home.

Obviously the project didn't push through. I dunno, everything seems like a blur now...maybe I just lost interest...or maybe I just thought myself to be too ambitious to even think about finishing something as big as this.

Ewan.

Late, laaaate REACTIONs

Naalala ko 'yung laban ni Manny "the Pacman" Pacquiao kay Erik "El Terible Morales"... Frankly I've never been a sports fan, unless you count those times noong high school na may crush ako sa Girl's Volleyball Team...at noong tumatambay kami sa stadium na overlooking 'yung swimming pool kung saan nagpi-PE ang mga babae. Other than those, ala na. Well siguro meron din pa-minsan minsang napapatunganga ako sa NCAA at NBA.

Pero iba ang boxing. I know I'm a fan of video game beat-'em-ups like Tekken, Street Fighter at Rival Schools. I enjoy watching action flicks. So siguro it'll come naturally na magugustuhan ko ang boxing...although hindi naman ako gaanong fanatic.

Umaga pa lang hinihintay ko na 'yung laban. Kinuha ko ang kabayong plantsahan at mga paplantsahing damit bilang excuse para mas malapit ako sa TV.

Lunch na pero nampucha, still no sign of Pacquiao. Iba naglalaban. Paubos na ang mga damit. Gutom na ako. Medyo naiirita na ako sa kahihintay.

At nagsalpukan din. Aray ko, 12 Rounds. OK sana kung may Round girls, kaso ala e.

OK naman 'yung mga kumento ng mga Commentators, sa comparison dinaan ang daldalan.

Pero nang dumating ang Round 5, hindi na ako masaya. Two reasons: (1)hindi na kasi gaanong kaganda ang mga sinasabi ng commentators -El Terible pa rin daw- at (2)ang pinakamasakit tanggapin e may putok na sa taas ng isang mata si Manny! Teka, the way I see it headbutt 'yun. Hindi daw. Pucha.

Anlabo. Nanginginig na ang gut ko. Malinaw na headbutt 'yon! Ah, ewan, sabi ko kaya pa ni Manny ang seven rounds, pero kapag nagpatuloy pang dumugo ang sugat n'ya ewan ko na lang. True enough, maya-maya lang, maraming salamat sa mga na-diskaril na kamao ni Morales, umagos na ang dugo sa mukha ng Pinoy.

Nakakaawa na tingnan, parang ang sarap lusubin at hamunin ng sapakan bigla si Morales...pero naisip kong sapakan nga naman ang nature ng boxing, so I pseudo-forgave him.

By round ten, Manny's face had become so swollen you can easily teach facial anatomy, complete with contours and facial fats. Tagaktak ang pawis, at halata nang nahihilo na. Pero go pa din! Pinoy talaga.

What I absolutely like about Manny's technique -and it's consistent sa lahat ng mga laban n'ya- ay 'yung mga tumutusok na suntok n'ya. 'Yun bang mga sapak na halos harangin na ni Morales 'yung mga bira n'ya pero makikita mo na lang 'yung boxing glove n'ya streaking its way to slam onto his opponent's face.

Medyo gumaan ang hinanakit ko nang sabihin ng commentator na, "Erik Morales has never faced an opponent this fast..." or something to that effect. Naks! Nakangiti na ako, kasi sunud-sunod na ang mga bira ni Pacman. Nagsisimula nang mag-play ang Lupang Hinirang sa ulo ko at nai-image ko na si Manny na tumatakbo sa llob ng ring habang winawagyway ang Philippine flag - mga flashback nung matalo n'ya si Barrera. Biruin mo nga namang isang Pinoy ang makakatalo kay Erik Morales. Kahit na nakakaawa nang tingnan si Manny...

...nang biglang pumasok ang bayaw ko at sinabi, "Late telecast pala 'yan. Tapos na daw 'yung laban. Natalo si Pacquiao."

PUCHA.

For no apparent reason at all...until further notice...


This blog will be in TAGLISH!

Alang kokontra!

Me Angal?

Thought so!

bad joke

A couple of weeks back I was having this phone conversation with Her and she was telling about finally getting to talk to an old friend, whom she invited to her kid's christening. Then she mentioned that friend, who was surprised that she already has a child, had asked who the dad was. Instead of just listening quietly I replied:

"E 'di sana sinabi mo ako tatay n'ya. Kakulay ko naman, e."

It was a just a little joke meant to brighten up an otherwise sour story telling session. Nevertheless she went quiet. We both did. I guess she didn't know what or how to reply. And I was in total shock over what I just said.

The joke wasn't really funny at all. My stupid mouth.



weird dream
An obscure dream is often characterized in the movies by psychedelic color schemes and bizarre images popping in and out of the dreamer's consciousness. My dream, last week, had none of those but was just as obscure.

I was standing in the middle of some unrecognizable room, carrying a small, sleeping child (around 1 year old). I [think] I was humming him to sleep. I knew it was a "him." And then the doors creaks open and out comes She, who approached us and took the child in her own arms while saying:

"Halika na, baby. Pagod na si Daddy, e."

When I woke I up I spent a good ten minutes thinking about the dream. Was that my repression screaming, making its presence known? Or is it simply my desire to start a family with Her?

Did I say, "start a family?" I've really gone insane. Nah, as much as I would deny this, truth is that I really do want to settle down. But my financial situation is really not ideal for marriage.

But still, I wouldn't mind raising a child not of my own. I spent months taking care of my nephew, how's her kid gonna be any different?

I need someone to talk to, specifically male belonging to the same age group. Because let's face it every guy needs a support group.
Wacko is now based in Cebu.
Elad is so busy with his thesis.
Who am I left to confide to?

Here's a sketch of Kupcake, a character created by grandmaster Budjette Tan under Alamat Comics.

She originally looked Natalie Mechant-ish, although I think she was patterned after Cooky Chua. So I tried to give Kupcake a more fun and modern look and, in contrast to her origins, a lot of colors.